Memorable Homecoming

Alright, slow dance over, I think I did alright. Wow, I am completely shaking, can they notice too? Doesn't matter, how are they doing though? "Hey, are you having fun?" I didn't really care, just wanted to move past the awkward moment we just had. "I guess," they replied, "but I would really love some lemonade. Kinda thirsty over here!" Okay, awesome, I have my task. That'll make them happy, right? They'll be happy this time, right? "Sounds good, meet me back here please. I'll be right back!"

Out I go to the courtyard of the high school. The workers had set up some string lights and tables for socializing, very romantic. Aw, they're even candlelit, that's so cute. I got kind of excited that I could take my partner here to have some time away from the dance floor. We'll see though, it's up to them. Once I snapped out of my daydream of wondering how it would go out here, I quickly grabbed the pre-poured lemonade and made my way back. 

Wait...

Okay, they must have trailed off with some friends. I can't find this person anywhere. They've gotta still be thirsty though, I'll just keep looking. They might even be in the bathroom and I'll find out very soon.

Nope, not in the hallway.

Hmm, not the courtyard I just came from either.

Oh, there's their friends, I'll see if they know where my date went. 

"Hey guys! Have any of you seen Jordan around?"

I've never seen such confused faces. For some reason though, it looked like they knew and weren't telling me, like they were hiding something. I decide to double down.

"Please, I just wanna give Jordan their drink. Any clues would be helpful."

One rattled off, "I think I saw them go to the bathroom." Then another, "Wait, didn't Jordan go back to the gym?" The last person said something that made my heart sink. "Guys, Jordan went off with Alex, remember?" The rest of the group’s eyes widened, realizing the mistake they made.

No. This can't be. Alex?? For all the long talks Jordan and I had, all the hurt I went through last time those two got together, and it's like none of it ever happened? I have to find them, I HAVE to stop this. Deep down I figured I was too late, but it didn't stop me trying.

Not under the bleachers, alright.

I don't see any classrooms being used either, that's a relief. 

No, not that. Anything but that. Please, for the love of everything that is good, not the courtyard.

I made my way there, each step feeling heavier than the last, my heart sinking with every beat. When I got to the doors leading out, I took a deep breath and held it. Hoping for relief, but expecting the worst. Here goes nothing...

There was Jordan at one of the tables, glimmering skin in the string lights the school put up. Nobody sitting across from them either, I was okay with that. I started on my way, realizing all this time they were waiting for me to bring back the lemonade. I made it halfway to the table when I see my worst fear come to fruition. Alex came behind Jordan, MY Jordan. Alex put their hand on my partners shoulder, circled around, and handed Jordan the lemonade I was going to bring over. I stopped in my tracks, knees almost buckling, breath shallow and shaky. I let it go on, wishing with all my being that it would end there, but I was sadly mistaken. 

My date looked up to Alex, smiled, and kissed them softly on the lips. From there I was enraged, tossing the lemonade into the grass below me, completely disregarding the littering agreement I signed when I bought these stupid tickets. I march over to them, thoughts racing and swirling violently within what was once a brain of reason. I get to the table, looked straight at Jordan, and said, "I've been looking everywhere for you." I expected some sly excuse like last time, something that might sway my mind away from certain demise. But no, I wasn't even graced with a bold-faced lie...

"Yeah," Jordan answered, "Who said I wanted to be found?"

Before I could even let this sink in, Alex chimed in.

"Yeah, come on. Have you seriously not noticed? You two were never real, it's been us all along."

I was seething with rage, a fury burning deep in my soul. I asked one thing, the only thing I needed to know, "How long since you two started this again?"

Their answer pierced my fiery soul to its core. Almost sounding rehearsed, they responded in unison, "It never stopped you idiot." Jordan branched off from the script they apparently wrote, "Are you really this oblivious? Did you think you actually deserved someone like me? You couldn't make me happy, not like Alex here does. All you were to me was a tutor, you know I always hated doing my homework."

I couldn't believe my ears, I thought I would pass out. All this time, these last few months. Jordan knew how hurt I was when I found them last time. All those talks we had, it was a front? My irate mask turned into sorrow and confusion. I was hyperventilating, feeling like I couldn't breathe, yet I was getting more than enough oxygen. I went to the drink table to get some water and calm down. I leaned over the table with my arms steadying me. I lost my footing and fell straight back, colliding with the grass below me. When my head hit the ground, it was over.

I woke up, springing up in my bed, actually hyperventilating in my non-dream state. I was sweaty, cold, and hurt from what I still thought was real. It took me some time to calm down, but I collapsed back into my bed, discerning what was real and what wasn't. Unfortunately, the reality was that this truly happened and my own subconscious decided to plague me with this nightmare constantly for the next year after I broke up with Jordan. No, I didn't see them kiss (that time), and no, I didn't collapse backwards. I did, however, get scolded for looking throughout the school for my date. I also was scorned due to my lack of ability to make Jordan happy. A few months later, it was Alex that "claimed" Jordan from me, to which Jordan confirmed they were, in fact, together now. I was left to be forgotten, adding to the various types of hurt I experienced all throughout my dating life. 

These names have been changed and I intentionally left gender out of the equation, hoping that this story can speak to anybody that might read it. I truly hope nobody has experienced this kind of hurt, but if you have, I want you to know from the bottom of my heart that I am truly sorry. The world is filled with hurt, but you are not alone. Lean into a community of yours, find healing, find peace. It takes time, but it is possible. Keep searching, it's there, I promise.

With much love,

CBar